想哭就哭

 About a year after mother had a stroke, inspite of our daily nursing by Fui Jin and myself, her condition did not improve. She was bed ridden but due to lack of mobility and exercise, her muscles atrophied very rapidly. Bed sores began to creep in on her back.

Doctor Pang came and examined her. He said the best thing was to give her TLC treatment (Tender Loving Care Therapy). For her bed sores, he advised we must turn her over from side to side at least every half an hour.
Fui Jin and myself were at a delimma. Both of us were caught up in our work. Moreover Fui Jin was always traveling. It required two persons to turn over Mom cos she was now totally invalid. If only one person doing it would be risky, likely to fall and fracture her bones.
Eventually we decided to transfer her to a nursing home in Pujut. Hopefully they could give her some TLC treatment and be able to turn her body every now and then.
Mother stayed a few months in the nursing home. Each time I visited her, her eyes begged me not to abandon her. I knew she was crying in her heart yet afraid the tears would leak out revealing her true feelings that were so hard to hide.
I said to her " there is now nobody in the room, it is only me with you. If you want to cry just cry."
It had been a long time since I sat with her in the dark. Silence and speechless I knew there were many words in her heart she wanted to say to me. Sadness not necessary meant separation. Cry if you wanted to, if you were lonely too. I said to her I would not abandon you.
母親中風大約一年後，儘管我和惠英每天悉心照顾，她的病情卻沒有好轉。她臥床不起，由於缺乏活動和鍛煉，肌肉萎縮得很快，背部開始出現褥瘡。
龐醫生過來幫她做了檢查。他說關鍵是要為她做溫柔呵護療法（TLC）。對於她的褥瘡，他建議我們至少每半小時翻一次身體。
我和 惠英陷入了困境。我們兩個都忙於工作，惠英 經常出差。母親現在完全臥床不起，需要兩個人才能幫她翻身。如果只有一個人做，風險太大，可能會跌倒，導致她骨折。
最後我們決定把她送到埔奕的一家療養院。希望他們能給她一些悉心 照顾，並能不時地幫她翻身。
母親在養老院住了幾個月。每次我去看她，她都用眼神懇求我不要拋棄她。我知道她內心在哭泣，但又害怕眼淚會流出來，揭露她難以掩飾的真實感受。
我對她說：“現在房間裡沒有別人了，只有我和你在一起。你想哭，就哭吧。”
我已經很久沒有和她一起坐在黑暗中了。我們沉默不語，我知道她心中有很多話想對我說。悲傷不一定意味著分離。想哭就哭吧，如果你也覺得孤單的話。我對她說，我不會拋棄你。
想哭就哭